Richmond Hash, Trail 690 – Christmas Caroling Hash – December 17, 2006

Trail: 690
Location: Lowe's Parking Lot, NE corner of Allen and Broad Streets (37° 33.14'N, 77° 27.14'W or so)
Hares: It’s Twue, It’s Twue, A.A.R.P., not Open Whore Policy
Weather: Globally Warm and Rising
Shiggy Factor: 1 (train tracks)
Trail Length: ~2 miles
Beverage Stops: 2 in the same place
Wankers: ~15
Virgins: 0
On After: Emilio’s, home of Spanish Fly
Headless Opossums: 1
Homeless Tagalongs: 2
Knockers: ~2

So, I am not going to apologize for no recent write-ups. You have no idea how hard it is working two jobs, raising a family, hashing and THEN going home to write about things you would rather forget or don’t remember to begin with.

OK. This was probably the best trail ever. Let’s talk about the highlights. Well, there weren’t any so I will write about the stuff that was mildly interesting. As usual Open Whore carries the hashit. Open, if you are going to engage in debaucherous activities please do so without getting caught. I think we should permanently attach that plunger to your ass a la Comatoes. R.U.D.Y. was there for 5 minutes to show of his $500 elf shoes.

We sang to some firemen and A.A.R.P. let me touch her boobs in a riveting reenactment of a street sign. So, at least I’ve got that going for me. There were major medical breakthroughs as our resident physician suggested pouring beer on an injury. We’ve found the holy grail of cure all medicine. Years of medical training, research, and practice have finally paid off and wait…wait…what’s that smell? You guessed it, Nobel Prize! Now if Hokie Pokeme had just poured beer on her ankle maybe she wouldn’t need those crutches. On that note, if I sprained my c*ck would it swell up enough to finally satisfy a woman?

I-Feel made a last minute appearance while local Kroger inhabitants joined us for some good old fashion caroling. This trail was destined for success as we were blessed at opening circle by former president Gerald Ford reciting the lord’s prayer.

The best part of the entire endeavor was watching Touch My Monkey squirm as she sipped delicious Natural Light from her sparkling new running shoes. Nothing beats awkward discomfort. I suppose someone should have warned her…but it is more fun to watch her tea bag swill through a sweaty sock.

I went back later and picked up the opossum’s head which I then mounted on top of my menwhorah as is ritual. GOOOOOOOO TEAM!!! Spring break 2007 is going to be the best ever.

~Gammy McScrooge